a short story by Joshua Brown
Inside of heaven, there were three frogs conversing in the local gossip near the Rasternation Gate. Their shoes were made of fine gold and their voices echoed though they themselves spoke in hushed tones, looking furtively at eachother then glancing about the visible perimeter. A few of the tricaputians passed by and the frogs murmured even lower to conceal their personal herpeton confabulations.
Deep in the maze-like corridors built around the aurum streets, a species called "human" had been built a tremendous neighborhood by an infamous wordsmith named Xesus. This particular species was infertile here, much like the cornures, but they annoyingly asserted that they were the Deus Electi, even though they were barely even bilingual.
Upon reaching heaven, each entrant was instructed in the language of Language. Some of the humans could also speak other languages but in the entire time we knew them only a literal few could speak the languages of species other than their own. For example, the frogs could speak both Language and Herpetish, and the tricaputians could speak all the languages of the angels.
The frogs were up to something. Nothing nefarious, for the deep lore prevented trespass and iniquity from being committed within the walls of the Locus. Perfect presentation of intercourse between all species and supraspecies was not only enforced by Tritos via deep communication by the Language itself, but by Deep Ablation if necessary. These frogs, though reptilian in nature, would never consider coming close to any violations that might be consequenced with Deep Ablation.
Instead, you could imagine that these slithering hop-men were up to perhaps what could be called in the human language a "prank" against one of their most annoying rivals in all of heaven: the humans. But especially one, named Yasmine.
Yasmine had arrived at the Inops Gate nearly 170 glitches ago.
Stupid humans always have to relate stuff to time. A glitch is about 20 years but in heaven there is no years, there's no time at all, so everyone lives from glitch to glitch. And during the humans reign over earth, a glitch happened approximately every 20 earth cycles around their sun.
A glitch is when the new god appears within the Great Veil. It's a time of great celebration in heaven although there is some confusion because although it appears as a new god, the old god disappears at the Tabula Hall at the same exact moment. Most of the celebration centers around the Ambulacrum where during the rest of existence, the heavenly occupants walk about viewing incredible artwork by the Technicians.
Back to Yasmine, she was of all the humans, the most humble for she had been one of the few humans to enter via the Inops Gates. Instead of living with the other humans in the beautiful architectural community built by Xesus, she had chosen to live with the Evray, a sect of humans who lived without in a tent city on the way to the Zoodoray Gate. A few humans and a good number of angels had come through the Zoodoray Gate, but by far it was the least used gate in all of heaven so not much had been built in this area, it was more like a wooded area where the Technicians often meditated.
The frogs did not want Yasmine to stay with the Evray, mostly because they were jealous of her. She spoke the Herpetish language unlike every other human, and it just wasn't fair for her to live apart from the Xesus Commune but not live with them! In fact, the frogs had heard a rumor, which they were now sharing amongst themselves just inside the Rasternation Gate, just far enough away for the custodians to not hear their devious plans.
The custodians were a strange mix of species chosen by god after he glitches in. There is no particular rhyme or reason for their election, but some of the species believe that the custodians are chosen at random. The custodians entire job is admittance at each of the gates. We might assume that their priority is their own species but considering they are still in danger of the Deep Ablation should they allow an Insurrectionist within the walls, they were generally pretty serious about their election.
The danger wasn't of the prank itself being discovered but if the custodians overheard any of the frogs discussing sin itself, there would be a big long ordeal in which all the frogs would get taken in and questioned, a series of species would speak on behalf of their interests and of course, the prank would be ruined!
The frogs murmured for a few minutes more and then with a clink of their gold boots, they jetted off to their homes in the Wildlands. And yes, they actually jetted off. Heaven is a strange place full of interesting technologies and for some reason the frogs had settled on a common interest in flight. One of the frogs had communicated with the council of the Ignires and they had created a new jetpack that was frog-sized and god-compliant.
The frogs assembled near the Zoodoray Gate and began to construct their own version of the tent people's homes. Frogs with golden shoes are pretty terrible at construction but a few of them had copied a tabernacle guide and they were able to buy some leather from the vakaires near the Merchant Village.
The construction was so incredibly terrible that the custodians at the Gate began to laugh and mock the frogs mercilessly. The frogs knew that they deserved it but they knew the custodians and were not offended by their wit, instead they worked harder to create a doll for Yasmine that sweated profusely once she picked it up which they then perched inside the sad looking tent.
Their lack of architectural prowess was actually a help to their prankage. Surely Yasmine would feel such humility upon the poor child living in this tent that she would come prevent her from living in such messy estate. This was a bulletproof prank if the frogs had ever come up with one!
One of the frogs, Rebit, looked at their handiwork and declared it finished. Surely the humans would be curious enough to peek in and possibly they could get Yasmine to cry out in surprise at the curious doll's watery explosion.
The frogs now had to construct their own hiding spots inconspicuously around the area to be able to jump out in unison and sing their invitations to the now surprised Yasmine and convince her to leave the stupid Evray and come join them in their Wildlands home.
Setting about on this was more difficult than the frogs had imagined for though the area outside the Zoodoray Gate was a foresty area, the ground itself was made of more or less sand and though you could basically stake a tent up, it was much more difficult to dig out hidden areas in which an army of frogs could take shelter.
But now they had to go find Yasmine and construct some reason to draw her near to the artifice they had painstakingly kept secret up to now. A few frogs stayed to guard the area from snoopy heavenly citizens while others stationed themselves outside the Evray community and one even went to go croak at the custodians to make sure no surprise entrants distracted from the prank.
The frogs had a few friends in the snake community and the idea was to get Rex, one of the legged snakes, to talk to Yasmine about this cool new fruit tree that they had planted near the Gate for weary entrants to be able to refresh themselves with. He would of course then lead her to the tent and she would be curious, peek in and hold the watery marionette only to be accosted and swept away to the...
You already know the plan. Now it was to be commenced and the frogs were not about to be distracted by anything.
Of course, Yasmine was across heaven in the Tree Things District, and the Tree Things weren't particularly fond of the snakes, because the snakes were known for trying to breed the Trees artificially. Getting Rex into the District without some type of commotion was going to be hard but if one of the frogs went in, the prank would probably not work for Yasmine knew that the frogs desired her to live with them.
One of the tricaputians was walking by and Rex took his chance!
"psst, hey, I need to get into the district without any of them seeing me! Can you take me up to Yasmine! I really want to talk to her!" The Language was much more beautiful than English but you can imagine what it sounded like, a snake talking to a tricaputian in the heavenly tongue.
The tricaputian agreed to smuggle the legged snake into the weird mall-like atrium in which the Tree Things made their homes. The tricaputian carried in the snake and commended Yasmine to him over behind one of the walls so as not to arouse suspicion on the Tree Things. He then left the two to discuss business.
Yasmine agreed to meet Rex near the forest after she finished her doings with the Tree Things. Rex cringed slightly because he knew the frogs wouldn't like the uncertainty of "when she finished." But he knew the gig would be up if he was too interruptive. So he squirmed out of the district as fast as possible avoiding all the glares from the suspicious Tree Things.
Their faces were a bit weird, Rex thought to himself as he hurried along. He shivered, knowing their icy stares were following him out of the District. Outside the district on one of the aurum streets, Rebit followed up with him about the next move.
Probably it would be best for Rex to head over to the Evray encampment and Rebit would find some excuse to accompany Yasmine over to her home, then Rex could jump back in with his genetic engineering jargon and excitement as if he was just chatting up the humans.
Rebit had an excuse, he liked speaking to Yasmine in Herpetish rather than Language. It felt more special to use your native tongue if you can. Rex could speak to Yasmine and the humans in their language, Hebrew, as well as Language. So it made more sense... anyways.
Rebit waited patiently outside the Tree Things District waiting for the perfect opportunity to interrupt Yasmine and accompany her back. That opportunity came perfectly! She had just finished talking to one of the Tree Things, Aspen, and Rebit could see her now talking to one of the passing Tree Things, Folia. It didn't look like business so maybe this was the perfect place to hop in and grab her attention.
From there, everything went according to plan. Rebit casually inserted himself in their conversation and walked her back to the Evray camp, then Rex stole her away from Rebit's company and insisted she check out the snake's new creation, and on cue, Yasmine was distracted by the shabby tent set up on the flank of the forest and upon looking inside she observed the doll which she immediately picked up.
And water splashed all over her!
Surprised, Yasmine dropped the doll and the frogs all jumped out and began to sing.
Croak croaky creeky criek,
Rebb, rebbit rebby ribe,
Kraaky criker crilk cruck,
Reb kra krilk KRUOK!
One of the Envray had joined Yasmine and Rex to see the "new tree variety" but was completely dumbfounded at this display of herpeton tomfoolery. Yasmine understood every herpetish word and, though she turned down the frogs offer, she committed to visiting more and teaching some of the other humans frog culture and ways.
Thanks for reading "Let's Visit Heaven" which was written on December 26, 2022 in Aurora, Colorado, United States, North America. If you enjoyed it, also please check out my last short story: "Christmas Time" which is a reflection on our finite time on this earth.
Comment below if you enjoyed it and I would appreciate if you bookmarked my website and checked back for more. There's tons of poetry to check out, one of my last poems is called "The Joculator" and you might notice that lately I've been stretching my dictionary by creating words based on Latin and Greek roots. This story I did that a lot!
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