Paying for Christmas

This poem is a reflection on what it means to pay your dues and experience guilt during the holidays.

photo from Pexels by artist Dima D

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Joshua Brown

Man, Christmas time is coming 

And I nary have a clue

Of the presents and the people

I'll celebrate with too.

Another year of sadness

I'll pay for with alone

For the damage to those people

Their pain I must atone

For merry times are happy

And happy I cannot

For evil done on innocent

That dark and stain'ed blot

But though I walk through Christmas

Awash with lights aglow

Spirit t'ward redemption

Content to learn and grow

And though she sees me healthy

As if Santa had a clue

The master of the North Pole

Knows not that I am blue

Merry, merry Christmas!

From this quiet little mouse

And love from heav'n given

The peace upon your house

Can I pay that heavy debt

Of adult choice to choose?

Or was I just a child

With nothing left to lose?

Merry, merry Christmas!

From this quiet little mouse

And joy from heav'n given

The joy of wedded spouse.

Determine then the story

The words you choose to say

Will bring you joy or sadness

By the spells you think and pray

And wish them happy holidays!

The presents which they seek

Will turn to gold by Jesus

On that holy advent week.

#poem #poetry #guilt #sin #repent #beingalone #solitude #selfloathing #shame #redemption


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📅 Written September 22, 2023

📍 Written in Aurora, Colorado at his home along Sand Creek


Thanks for reading. This poem is a reflection on the payment for sin. Growing up I learned that sin will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay and cost more than you want to pay. But that sin is tempting, and sometimes you choose to learn the hard way. And that sometimes, the temptation is Satan appearing as an angel of light.

This is not mournful in the sense of despair, rather hopeful that others can connect beyond that great divide, that chasm of reflection on the emptiness of sin's companionship. 

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