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an original poem by Joshua Brown
Hello child of mine:
Deep creative design
Of choice
By me
And her.
And those who danced the whorl.
Hello, and be seen:
There are two that made you
Man and wife.
Brought together by mutual religious fanfare,
Consummated within a grungy rebellion.
Against The God.
Who both prevented and allowed.
You were no child, but a Gift.
An all-seeing eye of pyramid.
And all at once, I saw
The dangerous Game:
I risked your health
By verity choice of will
To pretend Love.
That pretended Love by which I brought you In.
Into the world.
A untested Lie.
By woman who dared not look deep.
For reasons I may never know.
Nor will you,
Almost certainly.
For violence betrayed itself as it was wont.
And though I flirted with that Demon,
The Ghost of Jezebel, Mrs. Excuses,
Whose husband ignorantly mispercieved
Our unholy relationship by his Choice,
At the last moment, I fled.
Running away to sheer Free Will
Though painful it might be
Against You.
For Grandmother
Nor Grandfather
Nor Pastor
Nor Church
Nor Judge
Nor Mother
Heard.
Nor should have I cast you into a deep pit
Alone.
To suffer deep programming against truth,
But Choice I made, long ago, to lie with Her
Who begat you.
And though my conniving thoughts
Considered rescue
This I found not,
For Pause gave I
To your homegrown terrorism
And reflected long,
Too long.
For, in me, I saw danger
Too dangerous to decide
Amongst the Violent parishioners
At the local Baptist congregation.
Here I stand:
For One against Many
Is scary and Those who know
My weaknesses and buttons
Maneuver against me
If Alone I move
To Rescue You.
So pleased I would be to see communion
And forgiveness!
But deluded I choose not to be
For those who Act
Presently
Excuse the Past
And the Present
Actors replaying
The hurt
Upon them
Though best they know
What pain is caused
On Child
And Grandchild
And Great-grandchild.
And my Choice
Is to build from nothing
(A void created by me)
In great fear of loss,
And protect I will my sobriety.
For Remembrance of:
Your birth among the tribal symbols;
Your purchase by American markets;
Your first breath in Alaskan firmament;
Your heavenly travels to coastal California;
Your pain of punishment at my hands;
Your loneliness among the Family;
Your happy treks among the starry night;
Your playground romps and zip line swings;
Your loss of Alien and Stella;
Your late nights killing skeletons;
Your silent consumption of events;
Your art in memory of connection with me;
You.
Dear child of mine,
I am Joshua.
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