a poem by Joshua Brown
There once was a little boy who kicked me in the balls
He never said "I'm sorry" when I passed the churches walls
His father was so desperate for a friendly face one day
So I told that sorry piece of shit to go the other way.
My parents were aghast to hear the beef I had with him
So I left them never looking back to salty pillared SIMs.
Don't worry though, they got me back in no uncertain dubs
By befriending her I had divorced and also her new hubs.
Aha, it's just to love the kids that I had sired one day
Though my sister had been left to struggle hard along the way
We did not ask to have this life full betrayal and deceit
But choice I made to give to Her a child in repeat
I scarce could ask for freedom when I snatched it from Their hands
By robbing them of simple life with parents, friends and clans
In a world of kindly souls and happy meaningful lives
Retreating to a coward state of useless shrieking mind
The night before my wedding was a sheer and anxious well
Of loneliness and video games I distinctly remember still
On carpeted apartment floor I sat with CSR
Late into the night I raced my tiny digital car
I chose these empty people to surround myself with gain
Now pay the price I must to justify my continued pain
The people that I've ruined, broke, and hurt deserve my shame
Happy: look on at the fool I've made myself by calling them the same
Rubbing shoulders with the "Christians" but calling pastors "Fool"
I praised the ones who nee'r repented, built a phony Sunday School
But I was free.
Free I was to lie to those who trusted me for pow'r.
Free to get diseased from the poisoned lustful flower.
Free to lose my self-esteem by betraying my own life.
Free I was endangered by inviting stupid jealous strife.
Free I was to run away from petty violent knaves.
Free to practice sex in ways both cruel and depraved.
I have not paid the price for freedom thus to sin
My guilt aweighs my spirit down, I'm thirsty still and thin
Someday I'll find my freedom to live my childhood dream.
#poem #poetry #journal #personal #philosophy #guilt #confession
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