Angry at Aliveness
a poem by Joshua Brown
When I was just a little boy I gave myself a zebra
Zoe was his little name.
He frolicked in the little house I built for him from boxes.
A little bed he lay in.
A tear was made in time and space to cut me off from Travis.
My face alive with tears.
But now he's dead and so am I from tearing child from Poppa.
No tears flow free.
Among the broken glass I walk with barren feet subhuman
Shattered glass ceiling
Glassy eyes from cigarette burns on skin I grin and frown
Cool glass pipe though.
The best and worst of life I lived by emptying myself
Among the dead I live.
Dead I walk in live betray'l of the little zebra keeper
Living in blood.
Shielding the walkers around me from deep violence inside
No sunlight that deep
In deep with the truth that makes it a lie but no one can tell
Deep submarine crushing
If I really wanted to be alive I would, I would be alive
I'm angry at aliveness
Instead of breathing I'll hide in a cave unalive to those I hate
Wasted alive animal
Two shitty people enraptured by fates decree of lust
Brain fated to injury
Paralyzed at conception to the blackmail of black fate.
A fate of shitty poetic judge.
Lol I judge them for believing the propaganda
Can you believe fifteen
Forced to believe in life and evolutionary rape as men
Lol believe not
But now they're fifty, thirty five years later trapped in time
To lust for time
It's time to grow the fuck up and decide to be a conscious
Time stands still
Sunlight fades as I challenge to a duel the very venomous snake
Very sharp fanged
A game of chicken underfoot to see who will be very brave
Not very brave.
Fuck playing the game, fuck the rules that you wrote for me
Stupid rule maker
The house will always win, the ruler will always follow incentives
To rule the slave.
Write me if you will from land far away filled with demons and scripts.
If you write, I won't play games, I want your land, for my Brown family
Your gaslighting won't land on me.
Kill the zebra.
#poem #poetry #freeverse #abuse #parenting #childhood #violence #creativewriting